I've been connecting with several people recently through means of FaceBook. People that I went to high school with mainly. And even though most of them were in my graduating class we're all at different points in our lives. That's a good thing, it's ok by me, really. But what I've noticed is this: most of these people now have children.
My two best friends from high school now have kids. Breanna and Kim, they both have kids that are a couple years old. Another girl I went to school with recently messaged me and is currently telling me about her soon to be 3 year old little girl. Everyone I know either has kids or wants them. I'm asking if I'm weird because...I don't want kids. Like really truly don't want them.
Back in high school I always thought if I ever had kids I'd adopt. I never wanted to go through labor and pregnancy and all that. It had nothing to do with the weight gain, I'm not a small person anyway, I just never wanted to be pregnant. And then a few years after high school I started really thinking about what I wanted out of life. Where I wanted to go and what I wanted to do. I don't have a zillion plans like several people in their 20's do but...no where in my future (or present for that matter) do kids factor in.
I think what happened was that I realized I wasn't...(I hate to make myself seem irresponsible but...) responsible enough to have children. Like, I operate very much on spur-of-the-moment things. For example: I can be sitting at home watching tv and then suddenly decide I want something from McDonalds. Generally I just slip shoes on, grab my bag and go. I don't glance in the mirror to make sure my hair looks perfect or apply lip gloss and eye make up first. Just however I am at the moment (as long as I'm not in my pajamas or naked) that's how I go. I don't think ahead, I live very much in whatever moment I'm in. Right now I'm at work, I'm currently worried about whatever needs to be done at work. I'm not worried about what dinner tonight is or even if I have food in the fridge or if I need to eat out. I don't think about what I'm wearing the next day and the last thing I do is iron clothes. (seriously, like I don't even own an ironing board!!!) Honestly, I'm lucky if I realize a few days ahead of time that I need to get more catfood instead of waiting til the bag is totally empty and having to run out at the last minute!!!
I don't get tied down by worries and what's going to happen a week from now. And I don't want to. I don't want to have to worry about packing a diaper bag and making sure I have enough formula and where my child's favorite blanket is and if they have clean clothes etc. Motherhood should be entered when a girl wants to enter it and it should be looked at as a blessing. Right now if I were to have a kid...the kid itself wouldn't be a curse...but the restraints it would put on me would be. I hate being tied down for anything. Even a constant work schedule (working the same thing everyday, constantly having my time scheduled for me) gets to me after awhile. This has caused much anxiety for me and my family in the past but I'm working on it. It's just another reason the writer's life would be the perfect life for me. But that's another blog post ^_^
Maybe it's selfish and a little childish but I want to stay free. I don't mind working and taking on the daily responsibilities that all humans at some point must but I don't want to add to them. I want to be able to run out of the house at the spur of the moment with minimal planning. If I want to go out with my friends I don't want to have to get a babysitter or take the children with me. Unlike Nadia Sulamon who obviously felt the call the be a mother, I am do not. And I recognize that and choose to honor that.
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You're wise to acknowledge that parenthood, at least at this stage of your life, is not for you. Too many young folks rush into it and while most find it rewarding and fulfilling, it can certainly put a damper on some aspects of your lifestyle. (Okay, it totally turns it upside down.)
ReplyDeleteI didn't become a parent until I was 32 and am very glad I waited. I know I'm a better dad because of it.
You may or may not ever change your mind. A friend of mine was adamant she would never have a child. Then, at 40, she decided it was time and has a fine son.
Just don't let anyone else make up your mind for you.
I think it is much better to be honest with oneself and to know what you want out of life then to have children for the wrong reasons. My brother is very much the same way. He will be 32 years old this month and he has never married and does not want children. He likes his life just the way it is. That may or may not change one day. If you are happy and content with how things are, that is what is important.
ReplyDeleteFrank-
ReplyDeleteI've been pretty set in my decisions about parenthood for a long time now. The decision at first to adopt was something that I didn't even have to decide-I just knew. And then the realization that I don't even really want kids came about not too long after high school. Maybe a year or so later. I've been out of high school now 7 years. Maybe I'll be like your friend and at 40 decide that I'm finally ready to have kids but...right now I kinda doubt it ^_^
Dessa-
I want a life partner but the idea of marriage isn't that appealing to me either. Mostly because "marriage" atleast what most American's know is a Christian concept and I don't believe it (just like parenthood) is for everyone. I don't have anything against it, I know plenty of people who are happily married-it's just not for me. I don't need a slip of paper to know I love my boyfriend and I don't need the government to ackowledge it either. (ask me about this when one of us randomly winds up in the hospital and i'll probably be singing a different tune)
But yes I am very happy and content and thankfully so is my guy. I see no reason to change my plans anytime soon so I"m not going to =-P