Online Dating...A Good Thing??

I am in a long distance relationship. Have been for over two years now.

Years ago this would've been considered an unconventional way of meeting people. Especially potential significant others. However, for me, I find it's probably the best way to meet people. Let me explain.

In person, I am very shy. I rarely approach a person I don't know and just strike up a conversation. No, I'm the person that will wait for you to come to me. And me making a first move on a guy? Forget it. I don't believe the guy has to be the one to make the first move but, I've never been courageous enough to be able to take the leap first myself.

Then it comes to the issue of trust. It is extremely hard for me to trust people. Due to my constant moving around when I was younger, I got used to people leaving. Or rather, me leaving. I never kept in contact with anyone. Not to mention, the insults my dad would hurl at me when he fell a bit too in love with his whiskey bottle.

The latter gave me a slight fear of guys. Not enough to deter me from them though. However, I have found that it's easier for me to open up, atleast initially, to a guy when I can't see him. The funny thing is...it's not all guys that I'm affected by like this. For example: my friend Ryan, totally comfortable around him, no questions, nothing. Now lets switch to my friend John, now we get to the hesitations.

It's nothing about their personalities. In reality, their personalities are quite similar. What is the cause? (This is going to make me sound very shallow). Their physical build. John is larger in size and taller than Ryan. He's built more like my dad.

On a concious level this has no bearing. Personality wise John is absolutely nothing like my dad. However it must somehow affect me on a subconcious level.

All this has led me to the belief that, for me personally, online dating is the way to go. Atleast to start with. Because despite my fear and hesitations with them non-toothpick guys are the kind I typicaly go for. They are "my type". This is if we're talking solely about physicality and nothing else. However because of the fears and hesitations, it would be extremely hard for me to meet a nontoothpick guy and open up to him right away. If I know him online first, there is no direct physical harm to me and I can more easily open up.

This is a pertinent observation for me because, the guy I'm with now, is a nontoothpick guy. And if I had first met him in real life without meeting him online and getting to know him and realizing that he's against violence and what not then I probably wouldn't have been able to open up to him and trust him the way I do.

And I'm very glad I met him and am with him because he's a great guy. And he's helped me through more than I can even remember in the two years we've been together even though he's not here beside me physically. Some of the things I went through these past couple years...I'm not sure I could've dealt with okay if he had not been there for me.

***Note: there is nothing wrong with toothpick guys (and I don't mean that description in a deragatory way) I just mean that they are not "my type" :)***