Earth Day

It's Earth Day today. The day that is supposed to remind us to be more environmentally aware and all.

This day definitely reminds me of that. I already recycle everything I can but I often wonder what more I can do. It's not really sanitary to go around picking up trash left by other people on the ground but it definitely needs to be done in a few places. I can't tell you how many times just driving how I drive by a road side that's been turned into a dumpsite. People waiting til there's a trash can would help tremendously. However people aren't going to do that I know. Is it really that inconvenient to keep a plastic bottle in the car for 5 more minutes until you get to your destination and can put it in the trash? Or better yet, recycle it?

This morning before coming inside for the day I went out and did a little nature observing. I found a small crick that I took a few pictures of (they are on my deviantart page: http://kivawildrose.deviantart.com). I also managed to get a picture of a few finches sitting in the tree right outside here. There were 2 of them.

Also the other day while driving home I saw a hawk sitting in my neighbor's yard. Yes, he was down near the ground. I managed to get a picture with my camera but since it's film based, I can't upload it here yet. This is the second time I've seen that hawk. He must have a nest or home somewhere near my house. *makes mental note to self to not let cat out at dusk*

Earth Day, Work, and a Cell Phone

Today...is sadly the last day of my job for this season. As kind of a 'thank you' I guess my boss brought in some donuts and sandwich fixin's for breakfast and lunch. He does this every year. He's really a sweet guy. There's also a banquet on May 3 as an end of the year function...something else they have every year. Last year they had some kind of line dance or some country wester thing. I had signed up to go but forgot about it until it was too late. This year, I've signed up and I'm putting a reminder in my cell phone so that I won't forget. I'd like to go and I can bring a guest so...why not?

Earth Day approaches rapidly. This isn't really a celebratory day for alot of people but I incorporate it into my spiritual life. I just use it as a day to honor the Earth and a reminder for myself to keep living a green life and keep doing what I can to help restore balance to the planet. I'll most likely spend Earth Day in a local park meditating and maybe practicing some simple beginner Yoga moves. Perhaps do some reading, writing, and birdwatching as well.

It seems I fixed my cell phone. For the past day or so it had been going extremely slow in the IM service I use. Not wanting to open it, not switching to the input screen (without taking 30 seconds) etc. Then a few moments ago it froze on me...so I just switched it off and then back on. Vuala (sp?) the problem is fixed!!!

My uncle is wanting to stay with us again this weekend. I'm not really that big of a fan of letting him do that. He's homeless and claims he has no place to go. Except...he's been staying somewhere for the past week or so. He says that place is diving him nuts and he needs a break from it. It's a roof over your head and a place to sleep. When you're desperate for a place to go, you don't need a break from a place. Atleast not in my opinion. Knowing Kevin he's just tired of having to work there...it's a requirement. In order to stay there you have to work for your room. Kevin doesn't like work at all. Avoids it at all costs. If it gives him a place to sleep though you'd think he'd be willing to do anything. Some people just want everything handed to them on a silver platter. He seems to be one of them...

I'm off to read an old copy of one of my favorite magazines: Sagewoman. Which reminds me to check out their website to see when the next edition is coming out. It's a quarterly magazine and I just love it. I have all my back copies for about 3 years now and am recently going back through them to reread and reabsorb their information. Some of the stories (especially the ones in the "Warrior" edition) really hit home with me. They mean alot and some are pieces I could've written myself. I hope to one day have a piece published in this magazine. Along of course with National Geographic. hehe.

Nature's Effect and my name...

This past weekend was good. Saturday I did some running around with my mom, we did some shopping, some thrifting. We love doing that. It's always fun to see what bargains we can find. And it's great for our limited budget as well!!! Most people would be horrified to admit that they shop at Goodwill, especially for clothing. I myself used to be horrified to admit that. But have any of you actually looked at the clothing racks there? You can find some really sweet deals there. I have found some brand new clothes there on their racks. I got a cute pair of high heels that were brand new from Target (still had the Target tags on them!!) for $2 this past weekend...they were normally $23! I also stumbled upon some close to new silver heels by Mudd for $4 and a brand new Mudd purse for $3. Not to mention the black pinstripe pants and skirt I found there that are originally from WalMart (probably $15-20 a piece) and a new sweater from Old Navy there. People seriously, before you go pay department store prices, check out your local Goodwill. There actually is some great stuff there! Besides thrifting is very good for the environment hehe. (reuse and recycle =-P)

As far as Easter sunday goes...it was pretty well. My mom insisted I attend a church service with her so to make her happy I did. I have never felt comfortable in a church, refusing to go when I was a teenager (though I was dragged there against my will) and not even liking to go when I was a kid. Sunday as I sat in church...I half listened to the sermon. The preacher said something like "there is no hope without Easter". I understand he meant without the rising of Jesus from his tomb. However...I believe that there is.

Whenever my family stumbles upon this blog I'm sure this is one of many posts that will raise the hairs on their heads but...I have to say what I feel. This is my blog after all. I have followed an alternative path for a long time now in silence and the more I really think about my beliefs the more firm I am in them. For example, my belief in reincarnation. The preacher gave a reason for the fear of death...something tied to the Christians belief system, though I can't recall exactly what he said. I don't personally fear death...I fear the unlived life. I don't fear dying, I know it comes to all things in time and I know my time will eventually come and that when it does come I'll have learned what I'm meant to in this life. I also know that my spirit will be reborn and I'll have the chance to live again. A different life and chances are I won't recall this one but I don't believe we have just one life here to live.

As I was sitting in the church sanctuary I was having all these thoughts. When the music started I enjoyed the melodies and thought some of the songwriters did a good job with them, some of the singers there have some real talent-some great voices and are great musicians. But then I allowed myself to observe the actual building. It felt so cold and uninviting to me. It was dark and impersonal and not a place that I could personally call a sanctuary. My sanctuary isn't foudn in a building. It's found in a wooded park close to my house. It's found right outside my door under the shade tree in my backyard. It's found by the lake at my uncle's house. It's found in a grassy meadow in a distant land. Nature is my santuary...my place for worship. I have tried to infuse my room with many of it's own decorations. I hang pictures of flowers, have faerie statues sitting around, I have a growing plant in my window but nothing NOTHING will ever compare to the serenity and total completeness I feel out in nature.

Sometimes when I sit at my favorite spot in my favorite park in the summer time and just look around at all the beauty and the wildness of the plants there, the babbling stream, and the various birds that are found there...I get tears in my eyes just from feeling so at home, so at peace. I feel something brush a gentle caress across my cheek and I know that no masculine touch could ever feel so soft, so gentle. I know it's the hand of an ancient Goddess alerting me of Her presence, letting me know She's there to watch over me and that She hears me every time I pray to Her.

This is a feeling I have NEVER gotten from a church building or the Christian God (and it's not for lack of trying). I have never felt so at peace so...totally loved, accepted, and just all around connected as I have since I began my own spiritual journey 11 years ago. I wound never ask my family to give up their own beliefs, if this is the feeling they get from what they practice then I could never ask them to sacrifice it. I myself would never be able to give up this feeling. I return every chance I get even if it's just for a few seconds just to get a glimpse of this feeling. Even watching the shrubs outside my work's window I get chills thinking about Her.

There is a name that I have felt drawn to for a very long time. Some people reading this will know of a columnist by the same name but, this came to me before I stumbled upon her. I've resisted embracing it because I didn't know what the first part meant and I never really believed I was anything like the second part.

Kiva Rose

I now know that they both fit me. A kiva is a spiritual room for the Hopi Indians where all their rituals were performed. I have been obsessed with Native Americans and their culture since they were first taught to me in school. It was always my favorite part of history class when we would have to learn the different tribes. I later found out that I have Hopi ancestors on my maternal side. So I've been reading about them. The name of Kiva very much feels...perfect for me. I'm a very spiritual person, I have Native American ancestors who used Kiva's for the spiritual practices....

As for the Rose part...my grandma has called me Rosebud ever since I was little. I never cared for it much and I'm not sure why. I especially didn't like it when my step-uncle started calling me that. Anyone perhaps when I was a child Rosebud would have fit me. But lately I've been meditating on the rose, learning a bit more about them. Their sharp places aren't thorns (those are modified leaves) but actually prickles. Roses come in many different colors (I even found a picture of a purple one!!!) and all have different meanings. The prickles to me are like the prickles I have to keep people at bay, to keep them from getting too close. But yet my core is soft much like the various colored rose petals. I do not think I'm the conventionally beautiful type but I do think my personality and the woman I'm growing to be is beautiful. Not to mention the fact that I am a very sensual person, I love being in love, and I just plain love love itself. So to me 'Rose' fits very much anymore. The more I meditate on it and learn about it, the more I truly believe that.

I tried adding the 'bud' onto Rose (to get Rosebud) to see if that still fit but...it doesn't. It feels kina foreign to me now but yet familiar, if that makes sense. I also tried adding mary to the end to get Rosemary since I love herbs so much but...that doesn't feel quite right either. Wildrose does feel right.

So I have modified the name that originally came to me years ago from "Kiva Rose" to "Kiva Wildrose".

The more I think about that name, the more I realize that for this stage of my life and development, there is no better name for me. No name could fit me more.

*~*Kiva Wildrose*~*

It's Ok To Be Different

Ugh I really don't feel like being here right now. I've been battling a cold all week. Funny thing is my cat has one too. We both woke up the same morning with a cold...both sneezing every now and again. I'm just hoping we don't get the other human and the other cats that live with us sick as well. I'm sitting at work hoping the phone doesn't ring much because my throat hurts bad enough without having to constantly talk.

I think it was Tuesday that I heard that Vermont also legalized Gay Marriage. Woohoo. This time it didn't depend on liberal judges either, it was something the state government did. I wish Indiana would follow suit...

I'm getting reminders to both pay attention to my talents that I'm not using (I'm assuming this means my writing as I haven't been giving it as much attention lately as I used to) and also to slow down and think before I act/speak. This is all very good advice but it's getting harder to do.

Also, I'm tired of hiding certain aspects of myself just because I'm afraid of my family's reaction to it. Family is something that is important to me and I believe that family should stick by eachother regardless of what they do. These people are tied to us and meant to be in our lives for a reason. Either they're supposed to teach us something or we are supposed to teach them something. I don't really believe in coincidences, I believe everything happens for a reason.

We may get frustrated when family members choose to lead their lives different from the way we live ours but that isn't reason to shun them, we should look at that as a way to learn something. We don't need to always analyze why a person does something (though this is something I love doing) but just accept that they do it. For examply who cares about the why of someone being gay/lesbian, what does it matter the why of someone being drawn to explore other religions. The fact is they are. If they choose to live differently than you do, then isn't that their decision to make? I understand parents wanting to protect their children, I really do but...unless a child is literally about to jump off a cliff, I believe kids need to make their own mistakes. Some people, like me, just have an interest in other religions and other cultures. Sometimes those interests lead them to something that more closely fits what they believe than the religion they were brought up in does.

If a person's religious beliefs differ from their parents that doesn't mean the person is saying the parent did a bad job of raising them or that the beliefs of the parents can't work for those parents, it just simply means that they don't fit what the child believes. It is okay, in my opinion, for the children to hold different beliefs than the parent. We are all at different stages of development in our spiritual lives. Just because one person believes there is a devil out there setting temptation in front of them all the time, wanting them to fall from grace and screw up doesn't mean the next person does.

I, personally, don't believe in a supreme evil being. I believe that believing in something and giving it a name gives it power. What I do believe is that anything that happens to us in our lives is entirely man made. Basically the law of karma. What you do, you're gonna get back. Steal something? You'll be arrested most likely but even if you aren't you'll have to live with the guilt for the rest of your life. Lie? You may never get caught but the chances are you'll have to lie again to cover up your first lie and then you have guilt for that. Have too many beers? You'll have to deal with the hangover and the repercussions of your crazy behavior the next day. Nothing is free.

Many people would now say to me "Yea, but what caused those people to lie, steal, or drink to begin with?" To which I would say something like "We are human, we do make mistakes. We all have lessons to learn but the path in which we learn them is not the same as everyone else's." For example: I can easily sit and hear stories of my uncle and father drinking and getting drunk, them dealing with hangovers, or see a movie that shows the same thing and know not to drink. Some other people have to actually do the action and experience the hangover in order to learn the lesson. Just like in school some kids can read a book and learn about science, others need the more hands on approach. Me? I'm the booker. Some of my friends are the doers. Only the stars can tell which way is best for us...

Work and Rights

Wow work is going slow. I'm technically not even supposed to be here though. My boss, Dan, told me to only work Monday and Friday but I need the hours. And it's easy to mistake "monday and friday" for "monday through friday" right? So if he comes in today or sees me or something, I'll just say I thought he said Monday THROUGH Friday. That way I can get some more hours. Since this is a seasonal job and it ends next week I need to get all the hours I can while I can. So that's what I'm trying to do. I'll have to leave here today by 3 though if I want to come in tomorrow...Dan has a 3 o'clock appointment today. Ick.

I was reading through Seventeen magazine last night because Taylor Swift was on the cover (absolutely love her) and they had an article in there about a high school in Georgia (the southern state not the country) that still has segregated proms!!! They have a black prom and a white prom. The students all want an integrated one but the school officials don't want the hassle. They say it's easier to keep segregated ones because black students like one type of music while whites like another and they're afraid it would cause fights. Ok, why can't you play both? Play a song by Nelly and then one by Taylor Swift. That'd be an interesting mix but it could work. And if the students are cool with it then why shouldn't the school officials get on board with it? Ack some people are just so behind the times.

Gay Rights

I was reading my Astrology book yesterday and as an example birth chart they were using Rosa Parks'. Wow, I didn't really realize how short a time had passed since she refused to give up her seat on that bus. That happened in 1955...only one year before my mother was born! She didn't die until 2005. It's easy for us to think that segregation and all that ended a long time ago. I never realized how short a time span it actually was. I was shocked when I read that that had happened in the 50's. I was thinking something further back like in the 20's or something. This makes me wonder just how much of segragation was actually around when my grandmother was born. I know African-Americans weren't still slaves but if that much segregation existed only 50some years ago what was it like 80some years ago?

And then I realize that today there is still some forms of racial and sexist discrimination. Some people refuse to go in a predominantly black neighborhood because they feel unsafe. Or they treat the opposite sex as less than they are. And then you come across those that discriminate against a person because of sexuality. I was thrilled this past weekend when I heard that Iowa chose to legalize gay marriage. This is another form of discrimination that we need to break down and destroy. In my mind the equation is this: human in love + human in love = love, joy, commitment. Every state needs to legalize gay marriage.

And it's not just gay marriage that I'm an advocate for. Some people (me included, though I'm not gay) don't want to get married. They merely want to have a life partner but don't want a marriage in the traditional sense. Marriage is after all basically a Christian concept. The Christian religion is what says you need to stand before God and say that you love and want to be with that person for the rest of your life. There are similar ceremonies in other religions but the marriage most people think of when they hear the word is the Christian concept.

Whether people are married or not gay people need to have the same rights. They should be able to adopt a child, or have a surrogate mother, or be artificially inseminated without questions or prejudices. They should be able to live together, sign a mortgage together, without recieving weird looks from the landlords. They should be able to (if they choose) marry who they want without worrying about what state it's legal in.

One of my friends is a lesbian. She met the love of her life (and her current wife) online. In order to marry her, she had to move to Canada. Kim already lived in Canada but Kat was from the USA. They chose to live in Canada because in Canada the gay lifestyle isn't so frowned upon. You don't have to worry about where it's legal to marry. And for those of you who want to spit the story of Sodham and Gomorra at me? Canada isn't crumbling to the ground or falling into oblivion now is it? From what I understand they are doing quite well. They have some kinks to work out with the tax system when it comes to two women being wed. Other than that things up there are pretty great.

Few More Pictures

I have been camera happy lately and eager to capture any living, newly blooming thing on film. Well...on my phone =-P I don't know if I just want to save it to keep with me for next winter to make it a bit more bearable or if I just want to enjoy the beauty of it in the here and now. Regardless I snap photos of beautiful flowers whenever I can. Here's one I snapped this morning:

And another:

I'm beginning to think the last photo is of a Dogwood tree. I'll have to go home and look it up in my little guide to the local trees here in Indiana but I'm pretty sure that's what it is. Whatever it is, it has some beautiful flowers. And even the little buds are beautiful.

When dropping my mom off at work I noticed a nest being built in that tree. I don't know if it's a birds nest or a squirrels. Judging by the size and location I'm guessing bird. Actually there's two but I think they are both bird nests. Here are the photos I snapped of them:

Last Saturday I hung a bird feeder out back. There haven't been any birds come to it yet except for a few doves. I'm hoping they'll spread the word and we'll get some Chickadees or Finches here soon. We'll see. There sure is plenty of seed out there for them all though ^_^ Hopefully they'll come along soon. My cats will just adore watching all the birds. Melodi and Bubby already had a blast watching the Doves the other day.

My uncle decided he was going to stay over at our place last night. He called my mom at 8:30pm and wanted her to go pick him up and bring him back to our house. At first he said he just wanted to visit but then when it got to be around 11 he asked if he could crash there. *rolls eyes* Go figure. The guy really doesn't have anywhere to go since his ex threw him out for cheating on her. And supposedly he wasn't allowed to drive because of some nerve shot he got yesterday, that's why he needed mom to go get him.

I can't decide whether or not I want him around though. You can't leave him alone for a minute, he'll take whatever you have and run with it. You can't believe a word he says, he's a pathological liar. But on the other hand, it's not fun when you have no where to go and you think no one wants you around. I can sympathize with him and his situation, I've been in it. So I just try to take what he says with a grain a salt and keep atleast one eye on him at all times. I just hope he doesn't want to stay at our place again tonight. I need some sleep and so does my mom...