My Mind is FULL!!!

Ok so I've got some things on my mind today. Well some of these thoughts started last night and just...carried over to today.

One: It's my dad's birthday today. Should I call him or let the day go by unacknowledged? Most people would say call him, get him a card, a gift, go see him, etc. My relationship with my dad is...strained to say the least. We've never had a good relationship and I guess it's my fault to an extent. I'm not real sure what made it rocky. I'm beginning to suspect that it's the fact that when I was really young and first started visiting him it was just him and me there. Well and the dogs. Then a few years later he had some strange girl move in with him that had never met. The first time I met her was when she came with my dad to pick me up one Saturday afternoon. That's also when I learned she was now living with him. They are now married and I'm still not real fond of her and at first I didn't think that would be the reason why our relationship was strained but...maybe it is. Maybe I'm just another girl that's a victim of having some strange girl taking her daddy away and that made her feel put out or pushed aside. It didn't help years later when my half brother came into the picture and my dad started giving him all sorts of attention. They always got along so great and I don't think that helped me feel anymore included in his life. Years later still I'm wishing I knew how to fix things.

Two: Yesterday my boyfriend was a bit down. When we first got together things were great. If something bothered him, he would always talk to me about it. Now it seems like he's always going to his friends (which I don't mind if he talks to them too) and not talking to me about things so much. I'm not the kind of girl that can say 'okay deal with things youre own way'. If something's bothering someone that I love, I need to know what that something is. Most of the time I want to know so that I can find some kind of way to help make it right. Sometimes it's just me being insecure and thinking that maybe I've done something that's bugging him and he's just not telling me. I want the kind of relationship where we tell eachother everything. You'd think after two years of being together we'd be pretty open with eachother and I wouldn't have to ask him time and time again to talk to me about things.

Yesterday, because he was down, he would barely talk to me saying that he's "busy". Okay I can understand that you have to look for a job (he was laid off in December), that's fine. So I leave him be telling him I'm there if he wants to talk or anything. Later that afternoon I try talking to him again just to make sure he's okay. He doesn't respond (I was IMing him) so I try texting him. I'm patient and wait a bit and finally he texts me back and says that he's out with his friends and that they were busy trying to make him happy.

...

Um ok, you told your friends what was wrong but you won't talk to me, your girlfriend, about what's bothering you??? Something is wrong with this picture. And then last night when he got home he IMed me and said hi that he was ok but that was it. That's fine, I'm glad he let me know that like he always does but I wanted to talk to him a bit before we went to sleep. Whatever. Now it's the next day and when I asked him about it this morning he just said it was "just job stuff" that had him so down. Ok, yesterday he told me it was a long story and that he didn't have time to tell me about it because he was looking for a job. Three words does not constitute a long story. If you didn't feel like talking about it right then, you could've just said so. I wouldn't have bit your head off sheesh!

Three: Someone else here found out I like to write poetry. She overheard me typing this blog and asked what I was doing that would cause me to type so fast (lol). I told her I was blogging but that the normal type of writing I did was short stories/novels/poetry type stuff. I think she was a bit surprised. I think most people would be surprised to learn that about me because it's not something I share with everyone I meet. Mostly because people then ask to read something I"ve written and I hate seeing people's reactions in person. I'd much rather email them a copy of things and have them email me their response. I think I'm just a coward that way...